Wellbeing with Yasmin · Articles
How Do I Build a Life That Fits the Energy I Have?
Learning to adjust my expectations, ask for support and make room for what matters on the days when I have less to give.
Coming home from Malaysia, I picked up work I had begun while I was away and started catching up on what needed doing. I had just taken a fourteen-hour flight across a seven-hour time difference, yet I gave myself very little space before getting going again.
A little rest over the weekend had not been enough. I began Monday with my usual determination, but by Tuesday morning I could feel how tired I was.
I had said my prayers and planned to be at work by eight. Looking at how I actually felt that morning, I decided to give myself another two hours in bed.
Afterwards, I felt more able to give my attention to the day. I rearranged my work, leaving some tasks for the afternoon and allowing others to wait until tomorrow.
I was learning to make room for my own wellbeing within the plans I had made.
That might sound like a small decision. For me, it reflects something I have taken a long time to learn.
The version of me I was measuring against
For years, I felt that every goal needed my full effort every day. If I could not complete a whole workout, write the article or finish the module, I would feel that I had failed the day.
I also measured myself against a younger, more energetic version of me. I would forget to take account of what had happened in between: the responsibilities I was carrying, the challenges I had faced and what I could realistically manage now.
There have been times when caring responsibilities filled my days and looking after myself came down to the very basics. Becoming a first-time mother brought its own adjustments too. I could read all the books and make all the plans, but I still had to find my way through the life in front of me.
During periods when I was also dealing with health challenges, trying to do everything left me exhausted.
Even now, I sometimes need to stop and ask myself: am I planning for the energy I have today, or for what I remember being able to do years ago?
Making the intention smaller
One thing that helps me now is having more than one version of an intention.
With exercise, my full version might be an hour-long walk or exercise session. My lighter version is fifteen minutes of gentle stretching. My minimum version is simply stepping outside to take five deep, conscious breaths.
Those are options I use in my own life. They let me adjust what I ask of myself as my energy changes.
I can apply the same thinking to running a household:
- The full version: do the housework, cook a lovely meal and have energy left to enjoy time with family.
- The medium version: put a nutritious meal on the table and make room for connection. Leave some cleaning for another day.
- The minimum version: get a meal on the table and spend a little time together.
The cleaning still matters. So does having something to eat, and so does being present with the people I love. On a day when I cannot manage everything, I need to decide what takes priority.
Having a smaller version gives me somewhere to begin without treating the whole day as a failure.
The difference practical support made
When I was raising my family and managing health challenges, I had someone help with cleaning and ironing.
Doing all of that myself, alongside caring and cooking, could leave me ready for bed by half past six or seven. Having practical help meant I had more energy available for family time. I could be more present.
Paid help was an option I used. What support is possible will be different for each of us. It may mean asking someone to share a task, simplifying what needs doing or letting something wait. Some responsibilities cannot simply be set aside, and support is not always easy to find.
Asking for help has been difficult for me. I have often felt I should be able to take everything on. Looking honestly at what was exhausting me helped me recognise where support could make a difference.
It is a question I still need to revisit: what am I trying to carry, and where might I be able to ask for help?
Protecting time for my own wellbeing
Support is one part of it. Boundaries are another.
When I keep agreeing to more, the time for my own needs can disappear. I lose the space for prayer, meditation or the things that help me feel grounded. I become harassed and overwhelmed.
Blocking off time and communicating it has helped. When I let people know what I have set aside and when I am available, it becomes easier to protect that space.
I am still learning to pause before taking something else on. Being able to do a task does not always mean I have room for it alongside everything else.
Stop. Take stock.
I used to give myself a guilt trip when I had planned a full day and managed only a fraction of it.
Now I practise saying, “That is all I could manage today. I will start afresh tomorrow.”
That has taken time. I still have to remind myself to stop and take stock, sometimes more than once.
If you are struggling to fit everything in, you could start with one intention. Write down what matters about it, then consider what its full, medium and minimum versions might look like for you. Which version fits today? Is there something you need to move, simplify or ask for help with?
For me, building a life that fits my energy means making those decisions with more honesty and less self-criticism. Sometimes that means doing a smaller version. Sometimes it means resting and returning later, as I did after Malaysia.
I want to keep moving towards the things that matter to me while caring for myself along the way.
If you would like space to think through what fits your life and energy now, you are welcome to book a Virtual Tea. It is a first conversation about where you are and whether coaching might be useful, with no obligation to continue.